Signs at the airport
Aries
Booked the flight yesterday. Forgot to check in. Argues with the gate agent like it’s a sport and somehow still boards early.
Taurus
Brings a real ceramic mug through security. Refuses to sit near the bathrooms. Seated in coach, but still asks if the cheese plate has anything with a bloomy rind.
Gemini
Strikes up a conversation mid-security pat-down. Has three boarding passes in different names. Narrating their entire journey to voice notes and three group texts.
Cancer
Brought a homemade sandwich. Calls their sibling during boarding to make sure “everyone’s okay.” Picks up on the breakup vibes from the flight attendant and starts preparing an emotional casserole.
Leo
Wears a coordinated travel look and makes a point to remove sunglasses dramatically. Already picturing their meltdown on the local news if their bag doesn’t make it.
Virgo
Bags nested inside bags. Printed the airline’s pet policy even though they’re not traveling with one. Audibly mutters “this is why we board by rows” every five minutes.
Libra
Freaks out over seat assignment, then ends up switching with someone “for balance.” Buys a lip balm and a glossy travel mag and immediately regrets both.
Scorpio
Has TSA Pre but doesn’t tell anyone. Already clocked three suspicious passengers and one future love interest. Asks zero questions but knows everything.
Sagittarius
Got flagged at security for trying to bring a camping stove. Says “I love airports,” to strangers twice, and means it. Thinks of the middle seat as “character development.”
Capricorn
Has a backup flight, printed itinerary, and a spreadsheet of flight delay stats. Stares down the guy trying to skip the boarding line—and wins.
Aquarius
Shows up with a duffel bag full of wires and no explanation. Refuses to remove headphones when spoken to. Somehow ends up moderating a conflict between strangers.
Pisces
Boarded the wrong flight gate, cried, then got rebooked through Denver. Still insists this was “meant to happen.” Asks the flight attendant if Mercury is in retrograde.
